One of common regrets from women going through IVF is that it’d never occurred to them that they’d have difficulties conceiving a baby in the first place. Their main concern, since becoming fertile, was rather about contraception to avoid unplanned pregnancy. Finally when everything was ready, financially and emotionally, they thought becoming perfect parents seemed to be a sure outcome.
This article tells a resonating story of us, believing infertility is a problem of others, not mine.
“I spent 20 paranoid years fearing unplanned pregnancy only to discover at 38 that conception is not actually that easy.”
Creating a baby should be one of the most natural, pleasurable and free things a couple can do. Procreation is upheld as terrifyingly easy to achieve; on the frantic warnings of my school sex ed teachers, I spent 20 paranoid years fearing unplanned pregnancy only to discover at 38 that conception is not actually that easy.
My “decision” to leave motherhood late was not entirely self-made: loving my job and life in London, I simply didn’t find Mr Right until I hit 37. And, like many of my cohorts, I looked to women popping out healthy babies well into their 40s as proof of my own fertility, considering egg freezing and IVF to be my ultimate fertility insurance.
Wholly ignorant of the physical, emotional and financial implications of IVF, or the slim chances of it actually working, I naively believed that we, the test tube generation, would simply become the test tube motherhood generation. Today’s warnings that fertility clinics shouldn’t treat anyone over 42 due to success rates being just *over five per cent weren’t something I’d ever anticipated.
*UK’s success rates are comparatively low. For more accurate information about fertility and success rates, please click here. *
My fellow 30-something friends reassuringly began churning out babies so, on my honeymoon, I excitedly ditched contraception, picturing myself exchanging nappy changing tips with them nine months down the line. A year later, I found myself in an infertility clinic learning that my ovarian reserve (essentially the number of eggs I have left) is so low that my chances of conception, either naturally or with assistance, are slim to none.
“I naively believed that we, the test tube generation, would simply become the test tube motherhood generation”
Learning that you might never give birth to your own child is a moment you can never prepare for, individually or as a couple. I had thought about it each month since our honeymoon, as Mother Nature relentlessly issued me with her red “fail” card. And I tried to see a briefly successful implantation as a positive sign that our bits and pieces were in working order. Yet, as the months went past, it became impossible to shake the nagging fear that all the Folic acid, green tea and ovulation apps in the world weren’t going to help us create a baby.
Many people think that IVF is more successful than it actually is, and it comes as a real shock when it doesn’t work. Then what can we do to prevent such a disappointment?
First, be mindful about your fertility and find out various ways to get it checked.
Second, if you are in your 30’s, open up your mind and learn about fertility health in general and developing technologies like egg freezing.
